My Best Friend Is...

Today I had a revelation thanks to a comment by a teenage girl.  My son, after hearing the Supreme Court decisions this morning, was commenting how he as a white, male, heterosexual, Republican agreed with and stood behind the court's decision, and was taking some flack for it.  In his defense, one of his friends said, "One of his best friends is.." (referring to herself.)

I thought, "You know, everyone needs to have best friends who are different, even opposite to what they are."  That would solve a lot of the world's problems.  It would stop almost all prejudice, because "that group over there" would no longer be a stereotype.

A couple of childish examples from my own childhood.  One of my best friends in my kindergarten ballet class was Jewish.  She was very devout and even touched the Mezuzah on her door on the way in and out of her house.  (Thanks to my good Presbyterian Sunday School teachers, my five year old self even knew what that was!)  But we lived in an area where some nasty jokes and slurs about Jews were common.  Even at 5 years old I became offended when someone referred to "St. Jewish Park" instead of St. Louis Park.  They were not insulting some unknown group.  They were insulting one of my best friends.  I could not go along with it, even though our faith was different.  She was my friend (or to put it in Jesus' terms, she was my neighbor) and I loved her.

In Junior High I lived in an area of Pittsburg that was split between Polish and Italian immigrants.  My best friend was Polish, and you had better not make any Polock jokes in front of me.  It didn't matter that she wasn't from the same ethnic background as me.  She was my friend (neighbor) and she did not fit their stereotypes.

While I was an Associate Pastor I served with some pastors who were very conservative and some who were very liberal, and even a few who were somewhere in the middle like me.  I learned that you didn't always have to agree with their theology to love them and be their friend.  But having friends all over the religious spectrum did help me to learn to LISTEN and to love people where they were.

The same is true with politics.  I think that every Right Wing Tea Party member needs at least one best friend who is a flaming liberal, and vice versa!  I have friends all over the spectrum in politics, too.  That is one reason that I do not post many political comments because no matter what side I take I would be offending half my friends.  But again it teaches me to listen and try to understand their perspective.

You don't stereotype your best friend.  They are not some religious fanatic or some political freak; they are your friend with whom you may not always agree.  It really does change your perspective.  Think about it.  Think back to when you were young and naïve.  Was it easier to think badly about someone with different color skin before you had a friend of a different race?  Was it easier to think of someone as a Muslim extremist if you didn't know anyone of the Muslim faith?  Was it easier to look down on homosexuals when you didn't know any?  The problem is that a lot of people won't make friends with someone who is different, and it goes both ways.  I am sure that many homosexuals would be reluctant to go up to that Rightwing Fundamentalist and ask them to coffee.

In general humans usually seek out people like them to be their friends, and I think that is sad.  I don't know how I managed to collect such an eclectic group of friends, but I thank God for them.  When ever I hear a stereotype in the news or even at coffee hour I stop and say, "wait a minute... that isn't true."  It gives me a more accepting perspective.

Now, this is supposed to be a religious blog, so where does God come into this.  I think that there are two obvious connections.  As I mentioned earlier, when asked "Who is my neighbor?" Jesus answered with the good Samaritan story.  A person who was ethnically, religiously, and nationally hated by the Jews.  Jesus might answer the question today with the story of the Good Taliban.  For Jesus' answer to who we must love as ourselves, he threw every prejudice and stereotype in their faces.  That is who you must love, the ones your culture says you should hate.

Then we come to the argument many religious groups have.  "Yes, but they are sinners.  I can't be friends with sinners.  I can't love sinners..."  Well watch out with that one!  You had better be ready to hate yourself.  Paul reminds us that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.  You know what?  Not every church and not every Christian interprets the Bible the same or agrees on what is sin.  I am proud to be a Presbyterian where they uphold each person's right to interpret the scripture for themselves.  It is between you and God!  So, yes there are many dear Christian friends that I strongly disagree with and that I think are wrong!  The catch is that they think I am wrong, too, but we are still friends.  (Occasionally frustrated with each other, but still friends.)  So, since we are all sinners, I assume that all of us are right sometimes and wrong sometimes, and that is OK.  Only God is right all of the time.  We are NOT God.

So, I encourage you the next time you are looking at a group that is different from you, whether political, religious, or nationally ask yourself if you have any best friends in that group?  Before you go believing a stereotype get to know someone.  Make a friend!  You don't always have to agree with your friend, but you usually give them the respect to listen to them.  It is easier to love them as we are called to.  It is easier to see them as your brother and sister, because after all they are God's children, too.

In my opinion the only one who is allowed to make a tasteless joke about a group is a member of that group.  Hence I can make jokes about my blond roots showing (because it actually is blond under the red dye somewhere), but you can't unless you too are blond.  If you need someone to make fun of, try yourself because as sinful humans we all do some rather funny things.

Grace and Peace!