I Feel Like an Ogre Mom

I was raised according to Proverbs 22:6, "Train Children in the right way, and when old, they will not stray."  My parents set rules and we were expected to obey them.  When they were broken, we knew that there were consequences.  So when Jon-Paul and I decided to start a family we talked about  how we wanted to raise our children and set down some rules.

Before our kids were even old enough to say, "But mom, everybody else can do it" we noticed that not all parents were as strict as we were.  Sometimes I felt like an ogre.  But when the pediatrician said that they needed a certain number of hours sleep a night, I made sure they would get it.  They had a bed time and had to abide by it.

We would not let them buy a new computer game or go to a strange web site without checking it out first.  And if any of the language that they heard on TV, at school, or in video games crept into their speech, they were warned, and if it didn't stop, punished.  We even called them on language when their friends were over!  They were mortified.  We got many an eye roll when we would insist, "We are not their parents, so we can't make the rules for them.  But we ARE your parents and you WILL abide by our rules."  Often I asked Jon-Paul if he thought we were too strict.  No one else seemed to have as many rules as we did.  I felt like an ogre.

I went to the presentation for parents at Alexander's new High School and was flabbergasted at what they kept stressing.  You need to make sure they come to school.  You need to make sure they do their work.  And since our school district gives each High School student an IPad, they wanted us to know that if they caught any child with porn or other inappropriate content on their IPad, it could take up to two weeks for them to get it back while the tech department cleaned off the inappropriate content.  Let me tell you, if I find porn or inappropriate content on my kids' computer or I device, it will be more than two weeks that they are without it!  We paid for it, we have the right to enforce our rules on it.  So, I must be an ogre.

But what really got me was an open letter of apology to her children's teachers that some mom started circulating around the net.  The gist was she was sorry her kids were unprepared and didn't want to go back to school....  Her first point was that she didn't make them pick up a book or pencil all summer...  My kids have had summer reading assigned every year since about second grade.  We get the book and make sure it is completely read before class starts in the fall because we know it will be tested that first week of school.  This year it was "The Princess Bride" and all summer I would ask where he was and what was going on in the story.  I wish I had fun summer reading like that when I was in school.  But, needless to say, as an ogre mom, my kids were never worried about their first big test grade of the year.  They had it down cold.

During the school year homework came before play.  If they had trouble, we would sit with our boys as long as it took to get it done right...  Funny thing, the mom writing the letter talked about how much her kids dreaded school and cried when they had to go back.  Our kids always had a backpack full of new pens, pencils, paper, and everything they needed.  They were sent off with an "I love you!  You will have a great year."  They always looked forward to the start of school.  They felt confident and ready.

Another point in the apology letter was that they would be tired, because they let their kids stay up as late as they wanted all summer long.  We let our kids stay up later in the summer, but they still had a bedtime.  We did tell Martin when he turned 18 that he could set his own bed time, but he was expected to get up when he was supposed to, and no falling asleep in class or in church.  I don't really want my kids online after midnight.  I know who is online that late at night.  I know what kind of language they use.  I do not think it is an appropriate place for my kids to be...  I must be an ogre.

But then again...  We dropped Martin off at college last week.  If we were such strict ogres of parents he will surely run amuck, right?  So what did Martin do his first says on campus?  He went bowling with a Christian group on campus, walked around campus to find all his class rooms so he would know where to go, went to a Bible study and posted his thoughts on the feeding of the 5000, and on Sunday, even though it was not listed on Google Maps, he managed to find the church he wanted to try and attended worship.  I am a very proud mama ogre!

And last night, Alexander's last night before High School we called up to ask him what he wanted for dinner.  What was he doing?  He had spent two hours going over his Algebra notes from last year, "Because they would be using some of the formulas in Geometry."  We didn't suggest it, he decided to do it on his own.  Then, he brought down his fully loaded and organized back pack.  Again, I am a proud ogre mom!

My boys are almost all grown up.  They are to the point where they make their own choices.  Many parents dread this time.  Now that I am seeing the choices that they are making on their own as young adults, I am very glad that I was an ogre!  After all Shrek and Fiona didn't have it all that bad, now did they.  So if you are worried that discipline may harm your child's creativity or their potential to be happy kids, don't!  Some day they may thank you for being an ogre when they are successful, well adjusted adults!

Peace!