Slow to Speak: When Biting Your Tongue is best

"You must understand this, my beloved; let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness." James 1:12-20

     This is one of the scriptures I will be preaching on Sunday.  I actually had to take my own sermon advice last night.  It was kind of humbling for the teacher to have to learn the lesson, too.

     I have teenage boys.  Even when I do listen, sometimes the tone or the sarcastic way something is said pushes all the wrong buttons.  Last night I asked what I thought was an innocent question.  "How are the college application essays coming?"  The response I got was a frustrated rant on how many essays he had to write for school.  What I heard (as opposed to what he actually said) was "I don't have time for that."

     My first instinct was to go up and yell about priorities and why had he wasted the past three weeks before school started playing video games and hanging out with friends.  I wanted to chuck his X-Box over the balcony rail and disconnect his YouTube account.  Fortunately, I had been working on my sermon earlier in the day and realized that getting angry was really messing with my perspective.  My anger was not producing God's righteousness, and going up there ranting and raving would not have done anything but make my son angry, too.

     So, I took at forty-five minute brisk walk.  I did not speak to him at all before I left.  It gave me time to think things through and calm down a little.  It also gave him time to finish the Language Arts homework that he had been grumbling about.  When I got back I calmly told him we need to talk.  I explained how I was worried about his priorities being out of order.  He explained that he had planned on writing both essays over the long weekend.  Since his homework was done, he worked on outlines for his essays asking for my input.

     James was right, anger would have made the situation much worse.  I thank God that the lectionary had me dealing with this passage this week.  For my son: Being a mother is a lot like being a pastor.  I do the best I can from day to day, not always knowing if I got it right.  For the times I do let anger do my talking for me, I apologize.  I am striving to do better.

   In the Gospel lesson that goes with the sermon Jesus says that it is not what goes into a person that defiles them, but what comes out of their heart.  Reacting in anger defiles.  Taking the time to diffuse the anger and be able to listen made me more compassionate.  That can be important, especially with friends who are on the opposite side politically.  I sense that I will need to memorize and recite this verse from James many times before November.

Blessings!