Slow to Speak: When Biting Your Tongue is best

"You must understand this, my beloved; let everyone be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to anger; for your anger does not produce God's righteousness." James 1:12-20

     This is one of the scriptures I will be preaching on Sunday.  I actually had to take my own sermon advice last night.  It was kind of humbling for the teacher to have to learn the lesson, too.

     I have teenage boys.  Even when I do listen, sometimes the tone or the sarcastic way something is said pushes all the wrong buttons.  Last night I asked what I thought was an innocent question.  "How are the college application essays coming?"  The response I got was a frustrated rant on how many essays he had to write for school.  What I heard (as opposed to what he actually said) was "I don't have time for that."

     My first instinct was to go up and yell about priorities and why had he wasted the past three weeks before school started playing video games and hanging out with friends.  I wanted to chuck his X-Box over the balcony rail and disconnect his YouTube account.  Fortunately, I had been working on my sermon earlier in the day and realized that getting angry was really messing with my perspective.  My anger was not producing God's righteousness, and going up there ranting and raving would not have done anything but make my son angry, too.

     So, I took at forty-five minute brisk walk.  I did not speak to him at all before I left.  It gave me time to think things through and calm down a little.  It also gave him time to finish the Language Arts homework that he had been grumbling about.  When I got back I calmly told him we need to talk.  I explained how I was worried about his priorities being out of order.  He explained that he had planned on writing both essays over the long weekend.  Since his homework was done, he worked on outlines for his essays asking for my input.

     James was right, anger would have made the situation much worse.  I thank God that the lectionary had me dealing with this passage this week.  For my son: Being a mother is a lot like being a pastor.  I do the best I can from day to day, not always knowing if I got it right.  For the times I do let anger do my talking for me, I apologize.  I am striving to do better.

   In the Gospel lesson that goes with the sermon Jesus says that it is not what goes into a person that defiles them, but what comes out of their heart.  Reacting in anger defiles.  Taking the time to diffuse the anger and be able to listen made me more compassionate.  That can be important, especially with friends who are on the opposite side politically.  I sense that I will need to memorize and recite this verse from James many times before November.

Blessings!

Non-Random Acts of Kindness

     I saw something today that made me want to stand up and applaud.  It was pouring down rain as I was driving home from the church.  As I came to the intersection at Hwy 67 the traffic slowed to a crawl.  A car was stalled in the busy intersection.  Cars were having to squeeze past it.  The driver was obviously either scared to get out in the rain and the traffic, or was unwilling to abandon the car in the middle of the intersection.

     A Cedar Hill Fire Station Ambulance was going the other way.  These men saw what was going on and pulled over into a bank parking lot and got out of their ambulance.  They donned yellow hazard vests in the pouring rain.  They indicated that traffic should stop.  (Which amazingly it did!)  Then, these three men pushed the car from the intersection to a gas station where the stranded motorist could get help.  As they crossed back I applauded and shouted bravo!  Of course with my windows up and the heavens doing the best to convince us to build an ark, I don't think they heard me.  But if any of you know someone who works at the Cedar Hill Fire Station, let them know that they were noticed doing good!

     All the way home I thought about what they did and it reminded me of those bumper stickers that you used to see, "Commit Random Acts of Kindness."  But this one didn't seem all that random.  I doubt that someone called the fire station and said there is a motorist stuck in an intersection, please come help.  We expect help from Firemen.  They are in the business of helping others.  Shouldn't it be the same for Christians?

     Jesus told us that the two most important commandments were to love God and love our neighbor.  His illustration for who is our neighbor was someone helping a stranger.  Jesus showed compassion to all who needed help or were in pain.  We are called to follow.  Our acts of kindness shouldn't be random.  They should be calculated, intentional, and consistent.  I know that we are sinful human beings and are going to miss lots of opportunities to show kindness to our neighbors, but that doesn't mean that we shouldn't try.  Try practicing purposeful, intentional acts of kindness.  If we really love God then loving our neighbor, whomever they are, should take a top priority in our lives.

Blessings!

All I Need To Know I Learned From "The Sound of Music"

I woke up this morning singing the theme from "The Sound of Music."  This musical holds a special place in my heart.  From the time I was three or four and my parents took me to a special showing in the local movie theater I was in love.  It got me interested in singing and acting.  My favorite doll, I named Liesl.  My first dramatic role was Louisa in a community production, and I can practically quote the whole thing.

So what does this have to do with our faith?  I think I learned a lot of good Christian habits from "The Sound of Music."  So for fun, I thought I would share some of them with you.

First and foremost:  When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.  (Thank you, Reverend Mother.)  Another way to look at it is that God's plans for you might not be what you planned, but they will be good.  God might need you to be the mother of seven children more than a nun.

Second, when things look really overwhelming it is OK to say, "Oh Help!"  God promises to hear our prayers and goes with us when we think we have gotten in way over our head.

Third, Music is a proper response for practically anything: fear, joy, sorrow.  It will chase away thunderstorms, make boo boos feel better, and heal sorrow and loss.  Just look at some of the Psalms.  There are happy Psalms of praise, there are angry Psalms, there are Psalms of lament.  If you can't put what you feel into the words of a prayer, try looking to music.  God will understand.

Fourth, and close to my heart, when a child puts frogs in your pocket or spiders in your bed, they may just be looking for someone to love them for who they are.  That was my whole philosophy of Youth Ministry for sixteen years.  Some of those mischievous youth that made me want to pull my hair out have grown into wonderful, mature Christian adults.

Finally, sometimes there are evil forces or people that have to be stood up to.  When the Hitlers of the world say that you have to join them, you must find the strength to say "no."  It may cost you to stand for your beliefs.  There may be mountains to cross.  "Climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, until you find your dream."

May your day be filled with blessings and song!

How Do We Treat Those We Disagree With?

I have gotten pretty upset over the past couple of days because of the whole Chick-fil-a thing.  It is not because of the issue itself!  I have close friends and family on BOTH sides of the debate.  My problem is the really mean and hateful posts that my friends have been putting on their time lines.  Even my clergy friends have not been immune.  They call each other names and post terrible things about their brothers and sisters with whom they disagree.  That is not the Christian way to do things!  No wonder the world thinks Christians are hypocrites or just plain fanatics.  Just because we don't always agree doesn't mean that the person you disagree with is evil or that you can treat them like garbage.  So here are a few thoughts:

1.  We are all sinners.  We all mess up.  We are all wrong some of the time.  Consider how you would want to be treated if you were the one who was wrong.  Do you want to be trashed publicly all over the Internet?  Would you rather have a friend say to you privately, "I hear where you are coming from, but this is what I think..."  When I disagree with someone, I always try to remember that I may be the one in the wrong.  I try to be understanding, forgiving, and gracious.

2.  Have you ever seen anyone change their mind on a topic because they were yelled at and called names?  I haven't.  In fact on divisive topics like same sex marriage you probably won't be able to win over your opponent no matter how kind, intelligent, and beautiful your argument is.  We can't change people's hearts.  Only God can change your heart.  I have changed my view on many controversial topics over the years.  I think it is part of becoming more mature.  But it was not friends arguing with me that changed my mind.  It was prayer and thoughtful study that let God change my heart!

3.  How are we as Christians supposed to treat one another?  First and foremost we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.  In Jesus' illustration of this concept his neighbor, the Samaritan, was not only of a different faith, but he was also from another country with a different government and political climate.  He still acted in compassion and love for his neighbor.  If he can be kind, then surely liberals and conservatives should be able to react to each other in compassion. 

But we are more than just neighbors.  We are brothers and sisters in Christ.  So we are held to a higher standard.  In Matthew 18 Jesus gives us an example of how to reconcile with someone who has sinned against you.  First go talk to the person alone and tell them what is bothering you.  If they refuse to listen... (Note: If they are understanding and listen with an open mind and still disagree it should be over.  Accept it and move on!)  Then, discuss it with them and two or three others.  Even though the next part sounds like a condemnation it isn't.  You are to treat them as a gentile or a tax collector...  How does Jesus treat Gentiles and tax collectors?  He calls them to be disciples, he heals them, he eats with them, and he loves them!

OK so you don't agree on something that you think is vitally important...  You don't have to hang out with them if they are getting on your nerves, but you do need to treat them with compassion, love, and respect.  You must love them as you love yourself.  If one side of the argument HAS to be wrong, remember it might be you.  Be humble.

Our society is becoming so polarized.  It is our duty as Christians to act as an example of how different people can live together in peace. 

Our Brain and the Need for Sabbath

I was watching Attack of the Show last night.  (That is G4's geek news, for those not familiar with it.)  They had on a doctor that was talking about how our brain works and how it learns.  The host asked about multi-tasking.  Dr. Soussa (Sp?) said that a human brain CANNOT multi-task.  It is not capable of focusing on more than one thing at a time.  So when you are multi-tasking what you are really doing is switching your focus between things really fast.  When you do that you always miss something.  So when you are multi-tasking you can get things done, but they will not be as high a quality as if you had given it your full attention.  He suggested that if you focus on one thing at a time it will NOT take you longer than multi-tasking and your efforts will be of higher quality.  Even scarier:  ten to twenty years ago our brains were able to hold seven or eight full thought processes at a time.  Today the average human brain can only hold three to four at a time, and they believe it is because we spend so much time trying to multi-task.

So what does this have to do with our faith?  Well, how do we give our best to God.  In my first church I was not only a general associate pastor who had to preach, etc...  I was also the Christian Educator, the Youth Pastor, and the Choir Director.  (Yes, I was young and stupid and truly believed that I could do that much multi-tasking.)  Whenever one of those areas had something big the others would suffer.  When I had to preach, the choir, my Sunday school lesson, and youth group got less preparation and attention then they deserved.  The same was true when the choir had a big program, or Vacation Bible School rolled around, or the youth had a lock-in.  Nothing ever got my best.  Because I had too many hats. My ministry wound up being OK, but not great.  God never got my best.

Maybe that is why God gave us the Sabbath.  God wants us to take one day a week to focus entirely on our faith and our relationship with God.  It is hard to do.  When we are in church often we are thinking of a project at work, or a homework assignment, or even where to go for lunch.  It doesn't bother us that much because we are used to multi-tasking, right?  We can focus on worship or the Sunday School lesson and still have plenty of brain power left for whatever else we need to think about.  Well according to Dr. Soussa that is wrong!  Divided attention never gives your best to anything.

God wants our best.  That means trying to focus entirely on God for an hour or two on Sunday morning.  Sound tough?  Try taking a whole day of Sabbath.  In my first seminary internship my mentor made me take a whole day of Sabbath each week.  From 9 to 5 I had to unplug the phone and leave the TV off.  I could listen to music if it was religious and meant to help with my faith growth.  I could read, pray, sing, even walk in nature, but the whole 8 hours had to be spent in quality time with God.  It was really hard.  I maybe manage this type of devotion once a year now, when I am on study leave at a Christian conference.  But it is really good for my soul.  All the tension of the world goes away.

I am not saying that you should jump right in and unplug to spend 8 hours with God, but how about for an hour or two on Sunday morning.  Turn off your cell phone and set aside thoughts of what is due tomorrow and what you plan to do that afternoon.  Turn your whole focus on the Bible study in Sunday School or the music and prayers in the worship service.  Give God an hour or two of your undivided attention and you might find that it is easier to give God your best!

Keeping Our Promises

We have a baptism this Sunday!  Baptisms always make me happy.  For those who are not Presbyterian we believe that God reaches out to us in love and grace before we are even able to respond.  Therefore, we baptize babies as a symbol of that unconditional love and we all promise to bring that child up to come to confess Christ as their Lord and Savior.  We all make promises, not just the parents, to that child as it is adopted into God's family.

That is important because parents today need help.  Kids face temptation and danger every day.  Most families need both parents working to make ends meet.  Parents need all the help they can get!  So in the church when we make that promise we become foster Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents.  We PROMISE to help raise that child.

People complain that the children are absent from church, or when they are there they complain that they are disruptive.  One proven statistic from my generation (that is mostly missing from the church) is that those that stayed in the church to adulthood could ALL point to an adult friend in the church that helped with their faith journey.  It is not all on the shoulders of their parents.  We bear a responsibility too!

In every church I have served I have tried to start an adult/youth prayer partner program to connect the children and the adults.  (Look out DeSoto... it is coming...)  The kids need relationships with adults to help their faith mature.  Try talking to the kids on Sunday morning and see what happens.  I am not talking about, "Don't run in the church!" or "You need to be quiet in worship."  Ask them about school or what they are doing for summer vacation.  Take an interest in their lives.  Invite them to sit with you in worship.  If you want them to learn how to behave properly in worship, try modeling it for them!  You should see the difference that the adults in the choir have made in Martin's life by just taking and interest!

What do you do if a friend of yours misses church several Sundays in a row?  You call them to make sure everything is OK.  Have you ever thought of doing that for a child.  Call them to see why they aren't here.  Tell them that you miss them when they are gone!  Some of these kids have parents who have to work some Sunday mornings.  You could offer to pick them up!  Take them to breakfast.

They say it takes a village to raise a child.  To raise a mature Christian Adult it takes a church.  The whole church should be involved in the nurture of a child.  They should think of the church as the place where they see their adult friends.  They should think of the church as part of their family.

Come as You Are

In the past few months I have had three separate people come to me worried about whether their clothes were appropriate for worship or not.  Most of the congregation were dressed dressier than they were and with the economy as it is they couldn't afford to buy a new wardrobe just for church.

My answer;  You are fine just as you are.  God doesn't care what is on the outside.  God cares what is in your heart.

"It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth that defiles." Matthew 15:11

This is actually about clean hands, but I think it still fits.  Here are a couple illustrations of how I think that scripture applies here.

A church worked hard at evangelizing the neighborhood children.  The children who lived around the church were from the families of blue collar factory workers.  Their parents were not Christian and did not really appreciate their kids coming to church, but they came faithfully anyway.  They sat in the front row so that they could take notes on the sermon.  Then they would bring their notes and their questions up to the pastor afterward.  It was nothing short of a miracle.  But within a month or two a motion was brought before the session.  "Those children must be told how to dress properly for church or be asked to leave."  The youth pastor argued vehemently that their families couldn't afford to buy them fancy clothes, and that the parents would use the request as a reason to tell them that they couldn't come."

Who was doing the defiling in this story???

A church formed a praise band and started a contemporary service with the specific intent of attracting college students and the unchurched 20 somethings in the neighborhood.  With that in mind they specifically decided to dress casually; shorts, jeans, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and sandals.  They wanted to dress like those they were trying to attract.  It was working, slowly but surely.  Then, they were told that their attire was inappropriate.  It reflected poorly on the church and the congregation.  They were told that if they wanted to keep their service that they must at least wear khakis, and polo shirts; no jeans, shorts, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and the men could definitely not wear sandals... 

Ummmm, what kind of foot wear did Jesus and the disciples wear?  They wore sandals! 

My current congregation decided to have a Pentecost picnic and invite all of the neighbors.  For a whole month we explained that we wanted everyone to come in picnic clothes; jeans or shorts.  We want the neighbors to feel welcome and comfortable.  Not everyone in the congregation was comfortable with that decision, but I still feel that it is the right one.

So many people are leaving or being turned away from Jesus because the church only looks at what is on the outside.  Jesus cares about what is on the inside.  He reached out to the poor, to the common worker, to the woman at the well.  He came for those in society where God's word was most needed.  Jesus was accused of being unwashed and inappropriate too.

I believe that Jesus would say to us all, "come as you are."